Saturday, April 4, 2015

The Lamest and Most 'Gasgas' Excuses for Divorce in the Philippines (Updated)



For some reason, the debate on the "need" for a Divorce Law in the Philippines has started once again in the past few weeks. And although I have many more important things to do, I sometimes cannot help but leave a comment or reply to some obviously misinformed arguments online. Reading and replying to several comments like these can be tiring and time-consuming, so if you wish to educate people who say these things but you don't have the luxury of time and energy to do so, you have my permission to use (yes, you may copy and paste) the following replies to their lame and gasgas excuses for divorce:


Lame and Gasgas Excuse #1: Women who are beaten and abused by their husbands need a divorce law! 

Women in abusive relationships need to get out of such kind of relationships, YES. And their cruel husbands must be sent to prison, too. But NO, they do NOT need a divorce law to do these. We already have existing laws to address this problem, specifically Republic Act No. 9262 or the Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Law, as well as provisions in the Family Code that provide for the legal separation of the spouses. And if they can prove that the abusive spouse is psychologically incapacitated, they can even get an annulment.  No need for a divorce law.


Lame and Gasgas Excuse #2: Annulment is too expensive that's why we need a divorce law!

Annulment is too expensive if compared to what? Since there is no divorce law in the Philippines, we cannot compare annulment fees and divorce fees in our country. But what we CAN do right now is look at the example of the country whose footsteps we are trying to follow: America. In the US, an annulment typically costs around $200 to $1,000, while a divorce generally costs $15,000 to $20,000. That's PHP600K+ right there for a divorce. What makes these people think that divorce is NOT expensive?

If proponents of divorce claim that this will be cheaper than other legal options, they should instead encourage the government to make the present options more affordable. Why pass a divorce bill when other options can be made cheaper? Aim to reform the existing annulment process if it is proven to have defects. No need for a divorce law to do that. All other concerns (domestic abuse, adultery, etc.) are already addressed by existing laws. The only reason why people want a divorce law is to turn the shallowest and most trivial reasons (a.k.a. "irreconcilable differences") into valid grounds to throw away one's marriage. That's all this proposed divorce law is about.


Lame and Gasgas Excuse #3: It is better for married couples to "peacefully" divorce than for their children to see them fighting all the time.

This is not only a lame and 'gasgas' excuse, but a very deceptive one, too. That's why I especially hate it. It pretends to be concerned about children when the truth is, the children are its least concern. It is the children who suffer most in a divorce! Also, it pretends to be a quick-fix for broken marriages, when it obviously doesn't fix anything, but just throws away marriages at one's whim. And who says it's always peaceful? Just as legal separation and annulment can get nasty, divorces can turn into an all-out war, too. And in this war, it's always the children who lose.

And to cite a personal experience, although my parents have always been able to make their marriage work out, I have witnessed the worst of their fights. And do you know what I thought of during those times? Do you think I wished they would just "separate peacefully" and then I could just rearrange my schedule in such a way that I could spend time with each of them separately at certain intervals? NO! Those thoughts broke my heart into finer pieces than their fights per se. All I prayed for during those times was for my parents to work things out. I cannot remember praying for anything else other than their marriage. It was all that mattered to me. Because for children, their parents mean the world to them. And when their parents' marriage fall apart, their world falls apart, as well.

Also, the separation of parents and custodial rights issues are already traumatic enough for children; just imagine how much worse it could get when a total stranger intrudes into their life when their parent remarries... and then divorces again... remarries... and then divorces again... REPEAT.




Lame and Gasgas Excuse #4: Don't be too idealistic. The reality is more and more married couples are growing apart and are already separating. That's why we need to legalize divorce now!

Yes, broken marriages and families are a reality and a sad reality at that. But just because many are making mistakes doesn't mean we must legitimize these mistakes through our laws. For instance, what if many people are into pedophile relationships and they seem to be out of control already? Should we just legalize/decriminalize pedophilia, anyway it's already happening and people "can't help it"? Why don't we instead address the real issues and think of relevant solutions to the real problem? Clearly, the problem here is that people can't hold their marriage together. Why is that? Let us discover the factors and find ways to strengthen marriages and help people prepare better for married life. Divorce doesn't help build stronger marriages and families but only provides an easy way out for those who refuse to remain faithful to their marriage vows.


Lame and Gasgas Excuse #5: If you don't want a divorce, then don't get one. But the State should not deprive others of their second chance at love!

While divorce is a personal choice, it has deep social and societal consequences. Divorce is one of the major agents of the breakdown of families. And as we all know, the family is the basic unit of society. Destroy the family and you destroy society. That's why it is the obligation of the State to craft laws and programs that will strengthen the family, not weaken or destroy it.

As for a person's second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc. "chances at love," sorry but that is none of the State's business. The State is NOT obliged to ensure that we all have a "happy love life". The State is only duty-bound to ensure that families are stable and that every child brought forth into the world has a mother and a father by his/her side who will raise him/her well, since numerous studies have shown that children do best with their married mother and father. Therefore, it is the duty of the State to protect the institution of marriage (even from divorce) because marriage is the very foundation of the family.


The clamor of some for a divorce law is a sign of the deteriorating standards of our society. Instead of shooting for what is right and ideal, these people would rather have the standards lowered for easier compliance. But as they say, "It's either you are green and growing or yellow and rotting." In other words, you are either getting better or getting worse. In the case of our world today, in general, I think it's the latter. And if we continue to live by the principle of "instant gratification" and if we succumb to a"throw-away culture," we will surely find ourselves stooping to new lows after each passing day. And the breakdown of families will not only continue but even accelerate. Just look at what America has come to: with 50% of marriages ending up in divorce, broken families are already the norm in their country. Do we really want the same thing to happen to the Filipino Family? If not, then we should stop making lame and gasgas excuses and start strengthening our marriages and protecting our families in every way we can. (Anna C.)


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